We Are Who We Are
We’re a married gay couple in our forties and have been together since 2009. We’re sharing our story simply because we need to as a way to heal from the trauma of our past, to connect with others with similar experiences and build confidence in speaking up and advocating for ourselves, as well as becoming more comfortable asking for help and delegating when life becomes overwhelming.
We’re sharing our story because the internet is filled with too much censored, overfiltered, pretty, superficial content that only aims to capitalize on people like us, to take advantage of our vulnerabilities and disabilities just to make a buck (i.e. Spiritual/Conscious/New Age influencers).
Well, fuck that!
We’ve been through hell more times than I care to admit (I mean that more literally than you might believe) and we’ve witnessed first hand the bullshit of the mental health and medical industry when we reached out for support while homeless and were we’re gaslit, shamed, and dismissed, but had no problem taking our much needed money..
We know we’re not the only ones who have been victimized and so we make our voices heard so that maybe, just maybe, we can help to pave the way for a more compassionate, inclusive, world where EVERYONE has full access to choice-based healthcare, support, community, financial resources, housing, education, and the freedom and right to thrive.
We’re here to shine a light on the incompetence and corruption of those in power and to hold accountable the individuals and organizations that claim to have our best interest in mind such as the LGBTQ+ community, which we have not had very positive experiences with, sadly, despite being gay ourselves. Some others include the Spiritual community, Human Services, non-profits, and local government agencies.
This has to change, and it can, society can do better, but we must learn what it actually means to support each other in a way that works. We need to silence the noise and stop talking at each other so much, and start listening with more presence and empathy.
Don’t get me wrong. Our voices matter, our stories matter. WE are allowed to make our needs known, to feel our feelings, to get angry at injustice, to express our emotions and say ‘NO’ when something doesn’t feel right.
But sometimes that can lead to tunnel vision where we see everything as a threat, so it’s helpful to take a look at circumstances from multiple perspectives to a more accurate assessment of a situation.
Both of us were raised in extremely conservative religious families surrounded by people with similar beliefs. We were insulated from the outside world, trapped in a bubble of influence we weren’t even aware of. This was our entire reality and we believed in it with every part of our being.
Then in early adulthood, as individuals we started to become more and more aware of the challenges we faced that most others did not. After years and years of sorting through health issues, keeping journals, visiting doctors, therapists, specialists and healers, trying every self-help program, method, modality we had access to, the puzzle pieces started to fit together and the bigger picture became clearer.
We learned through education and our own observations that what we were experiencing as adults (chronic illnesses, pain, triggers, failure to thrive) stemmed from childhood abuse, neglect and mistreatment. As children we had to trust the people around us and what they told us about ourselves, the world, reality, death, sexuality, etc. This was what we came to believe as “normal.”